Accomplishments

Although it’s not New Year, I think it might be time for a resolution. I will keep track of accomplishments and other positive elements of my days, however small. This is scary as you all may find it boring as hell, but you may also be inspired to seek for those tiny hidden pleasures in everyday life yourself. Who knows what this will do for our overall sense of wellbeing 🙂

Yesterday I met up with a friend and was able to provide new angles to some difficulties she was having in her life. I also gathered my thoughts and wrote some emails I’d been postponing.

Today I realised someone that is supposed to help me is really holding me down, and can now pinpoint exactly what is going wrong. I’m contemplating how to best get out of that situation. Also, I baked a cake \o/

The quest

So, what does this ‘quest for inspiration’ mean? It means I’d like to get back in touch with who I really am. My life has been filled with all sorts of challenges, each of which taught me a lot but also took me further away from ‘being me’. Now I am at a point where my troubles have been taken care of and I am able to make a relatively fresh start, work wise among other things.

But what on earth is it that makes my heart skip a beat? I am one of those lucky few that are able to do pretty much anything they truly want: I can learn anything fairly quickly. However, for one who has lost sight of her dreams, this also poses a problem. It means the options are limitless and I have no idea where to start.

I seem to have a knack for seeing connections that others don’t, and I can usually point people with any type of emotional trouble in a useful direction. I also have a degree of intensity that people often do not understand, and I have met so much misunderstanding that my tolerance for it is currently at an all time low.

So, part of my quest is overcoming that low tolerance, dealing with emotions that were caused by said misunderstanding but have been swept under the carpet while I was busy with more pressing life matters. Another part of the quest is regaining inspiration, and a sense of what I’d really like to do in/with my life.

If you have any inspiring ideas or come across webpages that may be useful, please leave me a comment 🙂

Dreams are elusive

This morning I stumbled upon this blogpost by Jennifer Gresham about difficulties finding a suitable career. Actually I think it applies more generally to the elusiveness of dreams. Why is this the case? As she argues, we are taught to always immediately think of settings, consequences, the fact that we should never should appear arrogant and always be modest, and think things through. This leads to everyone trying to live up to expectations of reasonability and aiming for attainable goals. But what if your dreams are outside the realm of acceptability and modesty?

Interesting and extraordinary usually lie, as the latter word already says, beyond this scope. Part of my quest should hence be (re)learning and gathering the courage to dream. Patience is a virtue I have difficulty with, but surely I can muster enough of it to get to inspiration 🙂

Giraffe with neck problems

This morning I realised that this may be the perfect analogy for my current state. I’ve always tried to adjust, fit in with the crowd of horses, zebras, gazelles, lamas and the likes, never understanding why their world doesn’t seem to work for me. As a result I ended up injured, tangled and tired. Also, because unfolding after a long time is a painful and dangerous-if-not-done-right exercise, I feel too small for the giraffe house currently. I can’t eat whatever it is giraffes generally thrive on because I can’t currently reach it, but remaining boxed up, folded down and on the wrong diet isn’t going to do me any good either.

So… how does one mend a giraffe? 🙂

Lenka – The Show

So.. as some things are beyond our control, a little lightheartedness every now and then may be in order 🙂

Loneliness

For me, one of the hardest things in life is loneliness. The feeling of being unconnected to the world, of being misunderstood and all alone on your island, no one to provide you with the hugs and care that you need. That is, no one but you. Of course there is always yourself, but there are times that you simply cannot be the best company. When the world disappoints you, when you don’t know what to do next, when you simply need some TLC. Hugging oneself isn’t all that effective, I have found. So then what?

Beginnings

For some reason, the idea of cats, owls and giraffes has always resonated with me. Of course I grew up with cats, and currently 3 of them call my house their home, but where the owls and the giraffes come from? Not quite sure.

I discarded the idea of them being ‘my favourite animals’ years ago, as I thought them part of my ‘oooh occultism, interesting!’ phase. I must admit, giraffes do not fit that theme particularly well, but I never really thought about that at the time.

Yesterday at the zoo I was reminded of this fascination as we passed an owl that my company didn’t find particularly interesting. We also saw giraffes and obviously various examples from the not-quite-so-cuddly side of the cat family (although I’m fairly certain everyone wanted to take the lion cub home).

Somehow this memory has stuck with me since. It fits well with some ideas and themes I’m kicking about, trying to make sense of life, the universe and everything, and in particular how on earth I will fit in with ‘it all’. The animals broadly stand for: emotions and interconnection, wisdom and logic, and finally not-fitting-into-your-average-box differentness. I won’t go into much detail as these ideas should evolve as I go, predefining them would limit further associations.

So without further ado, let us embark on this quest 🙂